he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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