So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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