I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Come see our sink grown plant.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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