no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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