i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Bring me that man meat
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
