I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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