does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
