Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
