you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
