he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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