Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
