I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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