Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
