why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
