Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
