discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
