sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
