he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
