put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
splinters make it hard to masturbate
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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