He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
