Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
