just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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