remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
