wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you never un-have a 4some
I think i got beer on your cat.
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