he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
