she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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