if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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