Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
