I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
