hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
