Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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