i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
