Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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