I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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