its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
