Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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