At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have fence marks all over my body
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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