My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
