my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
