mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
