I think this baby is eyeing my beer
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
