That's intense
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
