Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
