I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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