I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
