Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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