I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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