I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
