the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
