Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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