drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
