I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
