Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
