I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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