Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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