So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you win again, gameday.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
