had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
