Who did Billy Mays play for?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
