honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
