He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Drake has all the answers
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
