you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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