look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
