I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
