We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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