Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sorry about my life...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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