It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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