His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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