Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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