Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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