I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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