What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
