I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
